Here are three new strips we made today, as with the other strips, these are about 5X9 inches when matted and framed. To request any of them go to the Contact Us tab or send us an email or a snail mail or even call us on the toll free number and tell us which one you would like and where to send it.
Also, we will not be in the studio on Thursday July 02 but we will respond to all comments and phone messages asap.
Peace and blessings
Keepers
For as long as I can recall, keepers have felt this strange need to go to bed each night feeling like we have accomplished something. We don’t need to rock the world each and every day but our system really needs to lay our head down to sleep feeling like we have come one step closer to being who we are meant to be as the daylight hours have come and gone. We are happy if our accomplishment on any given day is nothing more than getting our home cleaned up or finishing a painting or shipping out gifts from KK. Something–keepers need, so badly, to accomplish something each and every day.
Over the last 39 years, there have beem innumerable nights when keepers have gone to bed in tears. Those tears are our frustration because, so many days, we feel like we accomplish nothing with our time. We are angry with ourselves for not having a job because working would insure our feeling of accomplishment each day. We are angry with ourselves because we have no family with needs for us to tend to. On those particular nights, keepers go to bed feeling like we do nothing on this earth but take up space and waste valuable time.
On each of those nights, our JM always reminds keepers that we did accomplish something during the daylight hours that have just burned away. We made it through. Keepers are still here to crawl into bed–even if we are crying our eyes out–and going to sleep with a prayer in our heart. A prayer that is asking for tomorrow to be a more productive day than the one that has just passed. Our JM understands how painful and difficult it is for keepers to make it through any given day. He knows that it takes huge effort and strength for us to hang on, some times. Thank heaven, he is always there to remind us that keepers did a huge thing simply by making it through the day.
Keepers have gone through many periods where our sense of just taking up space and being worthless, if you will, just builds on itself. Even now, there are times when an entire week will pass where keepers go to sleep each night feeling as we have done nothing worthwhile with our time. As those painful nights come and go, our JM reminds us of how many days we have accomplished surviving–when it is extremely difficult and painful to do.
In running our ministry, here at Keepers Korner, we have become keenly aware of how very difficult things are for people all over the world. Right now, it is so very difficult to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Through our toll free number, we often speak with people who have lost hope or who can not see any way out of the situation that is troubling their system. In the last week, alone, we have been with sister survivor’s who have been laid off from work or attempted suicide and ended up in the hospital or have been enduring medical problems that have treatments which are highly triggering. Not only have we heard of the heartache and hopelessness that is running rampant on this earth but keepers have felt it, first hand, time and time again, recently.
But, the truth is, that things have been bad on this earth before. They spiral downward only so far and then begin to balance out or, better yet, improve in many ways. But, for now, we all seem to have the feeling that we are at the end of the road because we, simply, can not hold on any more.
As you might have guessed, this is one of those days in the lives of keepers. We, very strongly, feel that need to accomplish but it happens to be a day where keepers have no idea how or where to begin. That tells us this might be one of those nights when we lay our heads down to sleep while crying our eyes out and praying our hearts out simply because we have made no progress at all in our healing journey during our daylight hours.
But, when bed time rolls around tonight, keepers will really listen when our JM reminds us that we did accomplish something today. We accomplished making it through a day that hurts too much for us to accomplish anything else. By surviving our dark days, we will be here when things are better and keepers are accomplishing more than we are right now.
To many, keepers making it through our dark days may, truly, seem like a simple accomplishment that is barely worth noticing. But, to keepers, making it through our dark days is, probablly, the greatest thing we can accomplish. Our making it through these days is what ensures that keepers will still be here when one of our external children does, finally, knock on our front door. Our hanging on is what will ensure keepers being here when our toll free number rings. Our simple accomplishment of making it through this day (and many other days just like this one) is what will ensure that keepers will be here to fully appreciate those days when accomplishments come more easily for us and those nights when keepers lay our head down to sleep feeling tired from having worked hard instead of falling asleep with a tear stained pillow.
Right now, our JM would say to us that keepers are accomplishing a lot just by making it through this day. Wise words from a wise man. Words keepers need to remember when it seems like our accomplishments are as simple as just making it through a difficult day.
Peace and Blessings,
keepers
Keepers will not be available Thursday June 25 through Sunday June 28, We will return on Monday though. We will reply to emails at that time.
You all will be in our thoughts and prayers.
Peace and blessings
Keepers
Every once in a while, a shroud of darkness seems to fall over those who come to Keeper’s Korner and others in our lives. During the years of maintaining our ministry, this has happened several times. These last few days have, once again, been the beginning of our sister survivors–in both our cyber world and our actual world–having to walk through some very dark days. Last night, a voicemail let keepers know that someone we speak with often is in the hospital following a drug overdose. Another dear friend of ours is dealing with extreme headaches and facing medical treatment that is difficult and frightening for the system. And a therapist called this morning to get an update on some issues her client is dealing with. Keepers were able to give her the needed information because we spend a lot of time chatting or “hanging out” with that particular system. Another system is facing losing their beloved dog, who has been their companion for a very long time. Right now, the list of difficulties people are having seems as varied as it can be but many, many people are having to cross their own, personal, dark mountains.
Our ministry herer at KK is important to keepers because we have walk through so many of our dark days all alone. Even in today, much of our crossing dark mountains leaves us feeling all alone on our own personal journey. Yes, we do have our JM and he is wonderful and he does all he can to help but empathy can escape him because, as much as he loves keepers, he can not know how it feels to go through much of what keepers face in day to day life, much less when we are walking through darkness. He has meant the world to us because he always tries which lessens our aloneness–if not eradicating it. In fact, his caring and support for keepers has been our inspiration for KK. We know how much it means it means to have someone who hangs in there no matter what which is why we do all we can to give back to the world in offering our caring and support to others whenever possible. Maybe all we can do is distract someone until the much needed call from their therapist comes in or read stories to littles on a night when they can’t sleep or lend support when someone is on their way to a fateful doctor’s appointment but, at least, it makes keepers feel like we are doing something to make life a little easier for others. This makes KK a win/win proposition because keepers feel useful and like we have a reason to go on. It, also, helps others feel less alone as they walk through their own dark mountains.
Over the last few years, keepers have become people who have incredible faith–not only in the goodness of human beings but in things like Divine Intervention that help all of us get through when all seems lost or when we feel like we just can not handle one more problem. A couple of years ago, someone in cyber space told keepers that we should never allow our faith to shine through at KK because it might alienate some from reaching out to us. But, the truth is, that our work through our ministry has been a tremendous source of keepers learning how to have faith and knowing that things do get better. Many times, keepers are sitting on the phone with someone while writing out a prayer request to be placed in our God’s Inbox and to be passed on to others for prayers. I guess that–what I am trying to say–is that KK has taught keepers to step out of the way and allow God to work through us. It has, also, taught us to always trust God to come through for the people we care so much about.
Via email or on our toll free number, keepers often find ourselves saying “This too shall pass”. Those words are far from a means of brushing anybody off. Those words mean so much to keepers because they proven to be true time and time again both in our own lives and with the difficulties that people present to KK. What keepers have come to understand is that there is only one difficulty in our lives that will fail to ever pass. And that one difficulty does not really matter because it will be the one that takes us to a better place than here on earth could ever be. Other than that, This too shall pass is an axiom that keeps keepers going from day to day as things unfold both personally and through KK.
This shroud of darkness will pass, just as they have in times gone by. Before long, the same people emailing and calling right now because of problems that feel insurmountable or because they feel that awful “I can take no more” will be the same ones calling us to share exciting or happy news with keepers. The dark days will have passed–for a while, at least.
Keepers know a little alter in someone’s system who is always afraid that keepers will only want to know her when things are going good. The truth is that keepers feel very honored to be a source of caring and support when things are not good at all. By the same token, we feel such great joy when things do turn around and life becomes ok–or even better, good–for a period of time.
Dark days are always around us. No matter how strong we are or how hard we try, we will face dark days from time to time. The trick is to remind ourselves that THIS TOO SHALL PASS because 99.99% of the time, it really does.
THIS TOO SHALL PASS is often a mantra for keepers. We have found it to hold true and we know that if we trust in our own personal Higher Power things will turn around much faster than if we try to go it all alone.
Peace and Blessings,
keepers
Summer heat has, already, hit hard here at KEEPERS KORNER. In fact, we are under an excessive heat warning for the next week. Plus, high humidity is common and never easy here in sunny old St. Louis. Since keepers are getting to an age where the heat and humidity is very difficult for us to deal with–we are, pretty much, shut in for a while. To be honest, this is not an easy thing for keepers because it gives us a huge sense of isolation and seperateness from the world. So, keepers are trying to come up with ideas that will keep us interested and involved while we pass our early summer hours of excessive heat.
Once again, the old adage that the right things come along at the right time is proving true for keepers. We found a book in the store today that we have been searching for over the last few months. The book is called FREE TO BE YOU AND ME by Marlo Thomas and Friends. It is such an inspirational book on just being who we are that it will give little keepers hours of delight while we are avoiding melting outdoors. Plus, us big keepers have found the book to be something we can sit down and read as a means of lifting our own spirits or finding our way back to being at peace with who keepers have turned out to be. So, I am sure we will spend some time perusing this new addition to our library and sharing its contents with littles from other systems that we are privileged to spend time with.
Both JM and keepers are planning on upping our yoga practice over the next few days as well. We are very careful to run our air conditioning as high as possible while keeping it bearable inside. But, we will drop the temp down a little each morning so that both JM and keepers can get a good workout so that we go into our days with a sense of strength and peace. This is a very important part of our routine because it is so much nicer to go through our days without the stress and anguish that, often, arises from keeper’s multiplicity. Our yoga has been a wonderful means of living life very differently than keepers have ever known before. So, needless to say, we will make yoga a big part of days of being shut in over the next week or so.
One of the visitors–who came to see us a while ago–brought with her a font of new ideas for gifts that KK can offer to others in an effort to brighten days or make someone feel special in some way. One of these new ideas was the door hangers that we are offering on our blogs. Another new idea is the magnets which we are, also, offering. Working with these two new items–plus several other ideas will keep our system of alters busy and enjoying life even though the weather refuses to cooperate with our having time outside. We have some awesome ideas for littles to be given at Christmas. Believe it or not, it is time for keepers and JM to be working on getting our Christmas items ready to offer on our blog and website. This is something that keepers are really looking forward to this year.
Then, keepers have our artwork to keep us occupied, as well. Our mind is just full of new inspirations that we want to paint or draw and share with others. So, keepers will be spending much time in our art studio while the heat remains oppressive and unrelenting here in St. Louis. Hopefully, we will be posting some of our new painting in the very near future.
Keepers would love for summer to be a time when we are out and having fun with loved ones. But, that is not meant to be for us. Rather than sit here and feel sorry for ourselves, we have decided to work on a multitude of projects and, hopefully, make a difference in the lives of others. All we can do is offer, which we are trying to do on a daily basis.
If the heat is oppressive wherever you are, please try to stay cool because this kind of heat is extremely dangerous. Of course, it is prudent to use energy wisely these days. But, health and comfort have to be figured into the equation if each one of us is going to continue to be the survivors we have already proven ourselves to be.
Peace and Blessings,
keepers
Well the door knob hangers are going over really well so we were really anxious to get some more up. We hope you find something you like and request it. Each one is approximately 3.5 inches wide and 8 inches high. You can make your request by calling the toll free number, 1-888-752-9070, and giving it to Keepers, or via snail mail or the Contact us tab or the private comment at the end of the blog. Any way that works for you works for us.
Some of these we had up earlier but the new ones have a different picture on them. We hope people will continue to request the ones they want, every positive reinforcement each of us can find, makes it just a little easier to continue on our healing journey.
There are more in Part 2 ! !
peace and blessings
Keepers
At this point, in keeper’s lives, we know a multitude of abuse survivors. One common thread we all share seems to be a real difficulty in trusting others. Considering our backgrounds, it makes sense that trusting would be a serious issue for each one of us. It, certainly, is and always will be for keepers. It is an issue our system has had to be diligent in working on–both during our years in therapy and our years beyond therapeutic appointments.
One of the things our abusive therapist used to tell keepers was that we really needed to trust someone at some point. In hindsight, the reasons we failed to develop trust in him are obvious. In many other relationships, our lack of trust can be explained with the same type of ease. But, over the years, keepers have had many relationships where trust was difficult for us to establish but the reasons why completely escaped us. In fact, keepers spent thirty years of our marriage trusting our JM to simply walk away from us one day. He had never even mentioned not being with keepers but that was our fear based on the type of man our father had been. With our external children, we did trust and know now that trust was misplaced in many ways. So, all I am trying to say, is that trusting anyone has been a real roller coaster ride for keepers for as long as we can remember.
But, over the last few years, keepers have developed relationships where we do trust and feel safe. One of these, of course, is with our JM. We have several cyber friends that we trust almost implicitly. And, in our actual world, keepers have developed friendships where trust seems to go both ways. Keepers believe that each person we trust would never purposely hurt us in any way and we know that these people will be there for us, if at all possible, in our times of need. For us, it feels good to know that we have relationships where respect is a mutual thing and where caring goes both ways. We treasure these relationships because it took us nearly half a century to find and establish our place in friendships.
One of the things that it took for keepers to develop trust is learning to understand that we do have rights within a relationship. We had to discover that we have every right to set boundaries that are right for us and we have every right to be the ones who chose those that deserve our trust. Keepers are pretty good at accepting criticism from others–when it is presented to us in a kind and caring manner. We have the right to not trust anyone who hollers at us or rants and raves at us in an email. We have the right to trust only those people who are truthful with us. We have the right to not trust someone who gossips. It took us a long time to learn that if someone gossips to us, that person is gossiping about us with others. Keepers have to admit that we watch carefully how people treat other people because, chances are, that we will be treated in the same manner.
In today, keepers do let some people close to us and we trust many more people than we ever thought possible. We remember, at all times, that this is not a safe world in today and our background is always there to remind us of the downfalls of our having trusted too much. But, we also try hard to remember that there are a multitude of people with kind, caring hearts who actually find some value in knowing keepers. These are the people that keepers trust and are happy to call our friends.
It took us over half a century but keepers are , finally, getting there on the issue of trusting.
Peace and Blessings,
keepers
Each and every day, KK’s toll free number (1.888.752.9070) is receiving calls from sister survivors who are being affected the decline in our economy. Some of the calls are from people who have been downsized. Others have been from those who are on assistance of some kind, whose benefits are being cut back. Mental Health care is being lost at a phenomenal rate by many of those who come to KK. Of course, this is a frightening situation for all involved. However, it does make keepers and JM keenly aware of how badly our ministry is needed right now. We may not be able to fix situations for people but we do all we can to help out and let our visitors know that we really do care. Seems far from enough, I know, but our economy is creating one of the “every little bit helps” situations. Sometimes, our help is simply lending a listening ear whenever someone needs to vent. Other times, we can come through with a little financial help during really bad times. Mostly, we customize what we do according to the individual situation we are presented with. Both JM and keepers spend a lot of time feeling sad because we are doing so little. Then, someone reminds that what KK does makes a difference and those words always mean a lot to us.
Throughout this economic downturn, we have been blessed that our financial situation has remained stable. JMs job becomes wobbly (in it’s security) at times but has remained consistent and as it has always been. Personally, we have been through job loss through downsizing before so we are very thankful that the security of his job is our reality. For the sake of our ministry here at KK, we are deeply grateful that we have been able to continue at this time when our services are needed so badly. However, we take our financial security as a day to day gift being given to us for some unknown reason. We spend a lot of time praying for the strength to continue believing that what we need to maintain KK will come to us at the right time and in the right way. Still, JM and keepers face moments when we fear all might be lost due to what is happening in our economy.
For a while now, things with JMs employer have been spiralling downward. The products they make are not selling which means the plants have been shut down which has left many people out of work. In the office where JM works, major cutbacks happen every day. Things like perks do not exist any more. In essence, life as the employees have known it is no more. But, they do still have jobs and that is something to be very thankful for.
This morning, JM called me and said the big boss had called a sudden meeting. This is very unusual practice where JM works so there was some question as to whether this was when the axe would fall on JMs job security. While he was in the meeting, keepers sat here in our KK office remembering what it was like when he came home on a Friday afternoon and handed me the pink slip that said he no longer had a job. He had worked for that company for 16 years and suddenly–no more job. We had three children living at home at the time. Things like braces were halted in midstream because our health insurance was gone. Our entire lives changed, drastically, one afternoon due to downsizing. The longer that keepers sat here this morning, the more convinced we were that we were about to be downsized yet again. Fortunately, that turned to NOT be the case. So, for now, life at KK goes on in normal ways and we keep on trusting that what we need to run our ministry will be provided as we go along. JM and keepers still have our commitment to running our ministry. The functional part of our having what we need to do that lies in the hands of a Power much greater than ours.
The harsh realities of our economy are hitting so many people in so many ways. It is heartwrenching to hear of this system being terrified of losing their home or of that system losing the caretakers that have been assigned to her by a state agency. It is frightening to think that our JM might be hit with job loss at some point because that would take away all ability we have to help others as this saga unfolds. Right now, things are so difficult for every one.
The only thing JM and keepers can do is trust that what we need to maintain our ministry will be provided. You might say that we are preparing for the worst scenario while believing that we will be given the best scenario. All we can do is have faith and take things day by day until our economy strengthens.
For now, KK is functioning as we always have. Our toll free number (1.888.752.9070) is very busy much of the time. But, please, do not be disheartened if you get our voice mail. Either leave a message for us to call you back or try to reach us again in just a little while. We have only the one line at this point, which is manned as much as humanly possible. Eventually, we hope to expand to more lines that are manned 24/7. But, for now, we have to respect our limitations and wait for the economy to improve before any expansion of KK can take place. We have to trust that it will improve soon.
Please remember that KK cares and is here to offer caring and support to those who need it. We are going on as usual and trusting that better days are just around the corner for all of us.
Peace and Blessings,
keepers
Keepers have never feared that our multiplicity would be the cause of our demise. What has always felt much more deadly is the aloneness that comes from being “different” in this world. That aloneness is keepers constant companion as we journey through our lives. For us, aloneness is an interesting phenomenom. No matter where keepers go or what we do, that aloneness is always with us. We can be sitting here at KK, working our way through yet another day and feel totally alone in many ways. We can also be sitting in a crowded room, chatting with others and, actually, enjoying ourselves–but, strangely enough, still feel as alone as we do sitting here at our computer. But, worst of all, keepers have attended family functions (years ago) and felt totally alone amidst those who were supposed to love and care about us. Truth be told, keepers have had to learn to live with a sense of aloneness that many people on this earth know all too well because they experience it every day in their own lives.
Not long ago, someone called our toll free number (1.888.752.9070). This lady was very upset because she had been talking with her therapist about how horribly alone she feels. The therapist responded with “I can not understand how you can feel alone in any way with all of those people inside of you,” This call happened to come in on a day when JM and keepers were spending the afternoon with a sister survivor, who also happens to have lived in multiplicity. Our phone conversation was good fodder for conversation because keepers really needed input from others on how to express the different values we place on internal relationships versus external relationships.
The truth is that keepers could, fully, understand how someone who does not live in multiplicity might think that having all these people in our heads should lessen aloneness simply because we are a group of people trying to work together in order to survive. Keepers can easily see how someone might think that our inner companions would easily take the place of external friendships and relationships. After all, we often sit in front of our therapist and talk about how one alter is arguing with another or about how loud our internal littles happen to in our heads on this day or that day. To others, it must make sense that our internal families should, easily, take the place of external relationships –thereby relieving much of our external aloneness.
One of the reasons that our internal families does not lessen our aloneness is because the MPD tag has been a tremendous cause of our aloneness. Keepers have lost so many relationships that should have been life-long once our multiplicity became known in one way or another. For us, it has been difficult to maintain closeness with our internal family since the very existence of our multiplicity has been the cause of so much isolation for us. In today, I find great value in my internal relationships. But, truth be told, it took me a very long time to get to that point.
For keepers, external relationships hold a much different value than our internal relationships ever could. As our friend pointed out, being with external people stimulates our sense in ways our internal people can not do for us. Our entire experience with external people is totally different from our experience with internal people. Actually hearing someone speak activates our ear drums. Our emotions are activated in a different way when we are relating to an external human being. Our senses of smell and our abilities to speak and our perceptions all react different when we are dealing with external people. For keepers, the experience of relating to our internal family is nothing at all like relating to our JM or to an external friend or even to a stranger who happens to cross our path. For us, internal people could never take the place of external people. And external people could never take the place of our internal family.
Keepers have spent a very long time coming to accept that we are meant to live within an aloneness that few can even begin to understand. We are very thankful for each other in our internal world because, so many hours of each week, that is all we have in terms of socializing or depending on someone. But, keepers treasure each and every external relationship that we have been given simply because there is nothing in this world like having an external friend or feeling the warmth of a hug from someone outside of us who happens to care about us.
Keepers have always believed that aloneness is the real killer on this earth. When we have others to care about us and support us, keepers can handle almost anything that comes along. Unfortunately, too many people on this earth live in the same kind of isolation that keepers have experienced over the span of a great many years.
Peace and Blessings,
keepers