For as long as I can recall, keepers have felt this strange need to go to bed each night feeling like we have accomplished something. We don’t need to rock the world each and every day but our system really needs to lay our head down to sleep feeling like we have come one step closer to being who we are meant to be as the daylight hours have come and gone. We are happy if our accomplishment on any given day is nothing more than getting our home cleaned up or finishing a painting or shipping out gifts from KK. Something–keepers need, so badly, to accomplish something each and every day.
Over the last 39 years, there have beem innumerable nights when keepers have gone to bed in tears. Those tears are our frustration because, so many days, we feel like we accomplish nothing with our time. We are angry with ourselves for not having a job because working would insure our feeling of accomplishment each day. We are angry with ourselves because we have no family with needs for us to tend to. On those particular nights, keepers go to bed feeling like we do nothing on this earth but take up space and waste valuable time.
On each of those nights, our JM always reminds keepers that we did accomplish something during the daylight hours that have just burned away. We made it through. Keepers are still here to crawl into bed–even if we are crying our eyes out–and going to sleep with a prayer in our heart. A prayer that is asking for tomorrow to be a more productive day than the one that has just passed. Our JM understands how painful and difficult it is for keepers to make it through any given day. He knows that it takes huge effort and strength for us to hang on, some times. Thank heaven, he is always there to remind us that keepers did a huge thing simply by making it through the day.
Keepers have gone through many periods where our sense of just taking up space and being worthless, if you will, just builds on itself. Even now, there are times when an entire week will pass where keepers go to sleep each night feeling as we have done nothing worthwhile with our time. As those painful nights come and go, our JM reminds us of how many days we have accomplished surviving–when it is extremely difficult and painful to do.
In running our ministry, here at Keepers Korner, we have become keenly aware of how very difficult things are for people all over the world. Right now, it is so very difficult to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Through our toll free number, we often speak with people who have lost hope or who can not see any way out of the situation that is troubling their system. In the last week, alone, we have been with sister survivor’s who have been laid off from work or attempted suicide and ended up in the hospital or have been enduring medical problems that have treatments which are highly triggering. Not only have we heard of the heartache and hopelessness that is running rampant on this earth but keepers have felt it, first hand, time and time again, recently.
But, the truth is, that things have been bad on this earth before. They spiral downward only so far and then begin to balance out or, better yet, improve in many ways. But, for now, we all seem to have the feeling that we are at the end of the road because we, simply, can not hold on any more.
As you might have guessed, this is one of those days in the lives of keepers. We, very strongly, feel that need to accomplish but it happens to be a day where keepers have no idea how or where to begin. That tells us this might be one of those nights when we lay our heads down to sleep while crying our eyes out and praying our hearts out simply because we have made no progress at all in our healing journey during our daylight hours.
But, when bed time rolls around tonight, keepers will really listen when our JM reminds us that we did accomplish something today. We accomplished making it through a day that hurts too much for us to accomplish anything else. By surviving our dark days, we will be here when things are better and keepers are accomplishing more than we are right now.
To many, keepers making it through our dark days may, truly, seem like a simple accomplishment that is barely worth noticing. But, to keepers, making it through our dark days is, probablly, the greatest thing we can accomplish. Our making it through these days is what ensures that keepers will still be here when one of our external children does, finally, knock on our front door. Our hanging on is what will ensure keepers being here when our toll free number rings. Our simple accomplishment of making it through this day (and many other days just like this one) is what will ensure that keepers will be here to fully appreciate those days when accomplishments come more easily for us and those nights when keepers lay our head down to sleep feeling tired from having worked hard instead of falling asleep with a tear stained pillow.
Right now, our JM would say to us that keepers are accomplishing a lot just by making it through this day. Wise words from a wise man. Words keepers need to remember when it seems like our accomplishments are as simple as just making it through a difficult day.
Peace and Blessings,
keepers
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